You know, there is no easy way to do what I have to do. Our daughter is gone. Bob was right all those years ago, "one day she's going to grow up and leave home, and never look back." It has happened. I am so sad for her. Her patriarchal blessing says she'll have many dark days, and it tells her how to get through them, and even how to minimize them. But it's all conditioned on her worthiness. And, as we have taught her, "worthiness" means that you simply get back up each time you fall. That's what "worthiness" really is. It doesn't mean you're perfect. It means you do you very best.
Well, today I actually let her go. I don't want anything more to do with her in this state of existence that she has chosen. She has made it very clear she doesn't want us or need us, and she is happier without us. I cannot go on and keep worrying over her, and loving her and thinking of her on a daily basis. For one, that causes way too much pain, and for another it isn't real. What is real is that I have two children at home who still need me. I have a husband who needs me. And I have ME who needs me. The only way to move forward is to put her behind me. And so I have done.
If the day ever comes that she wishes to come to her senses, to humble herself, and to actually seek the professional help she so desperately needs, then we are here for her with open arms, and all the tender love of a parent. But, like the prodigal son's father, we cannot just sit here mourning her, and waiting for her return. We have lives that we must keep living. And so we are.
It doesn't sound pretty, does it? but it's what's right. Our love for Jessica is forever. We will help her whenever she honestly desires that help. But until then, the only option is to let her go. This is the only way she has chosen to learn from life. I fear for her. But I have left her in God's hands. He can meet out consequences, both good and bad, much better than I ever could.
We wish her well. We love her. We will miss her. And we look forward to the day we can see her again, embrace her and let her know again that we love her.
I feel better. More "settled" with all this drama. I feel more free to press forward now with our two youngest. I am so thankful for the Gospel, for our family, and for such a wonderful husband. I could never make it through life without him! I truly am blessed!!!
Well, today I actually let her go. I don't want anything more to do with her in this state of existence that she has chosen. She has made it very clear she doesn't want us or need us, and she is happier without us. I cannot go on and keep worrying over her, and loving her and thinking of her on a daily basis. For one, that causes way too much pain, and for another it isn't real. What is real is that I have two children at home who still need me. I have a husband who needs me. And I have ME who needs me. The only way to move forward is to put her behind me. And so I have done.
If the day ever comes that she wishes to come to her senses, to humble herself, and to actually seek the professional help she so desperately needs, then we are here for her with open arms, and all the tender love of a parent. But, like the prodigal son's father, we cannot just sit here mourning her, and waiting for her return. We have lives that we must keep living. And so we are.
It doesn't sound pretty, does it? but it's what's right. Our love for Jessica is forever. We will help her whenever she honestly desires that help. But until then, the only option is to let her go. This is the only way she has chosen to learn from life. I fear for her. But I have left her in God's hands. He can meet out consequences, both good and bad, much better than I ever could.
We wish her well. We love her. We will miss her. And we look forward to the day we can see her again, embrace her and let her know again that we love her.
I feel better. More "settled" with all this drama. I feel more free to press forward now with our two youngest. I am so thankful for the Gospel, for our family, and for such a wonderful husband. I could never make it through life without him! I truly am blessed!!!
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