Tonight was especially tough. I cried like I've not cried for a long time. For many reasons, but mainly it was just the last couple of straws that broke the camel's back. In the midst of my sobbing, I cried out to Heavenly Father "Do you see me? Do you hear me? Do you love me? Please help me! Please let me know I matter to you! Please let me know you're there!"
Silence.
Eventually, my thoughts calmed me. (or were they "my" thoughts?) Then our Jonathan left for work. Then Bob took Emily to run a couple of errands. I started to relax, watch a great move called "Joshua" (the one from 2002, not 2007 which is evil!), and suddenly, when I paused for a text, I remembered I had started to read a blog that a friend of mine had posted on Facebook. She had read it online and was just sharing it with others. It's called DROPS OF AWESOME. I thought to myself I should probably read it quickly before Bob and Emily get home. Just to get it "done", and not have "one more thing to do" before going to bed tonight. I DID want to read it after all. So I started reading. I could relate. A lot. And about 3/4's of the way through I heard/felt "Yes, I'm here. Yes, I love you. Yes, I'm aware of you and your pain. Don't be concerned about everything being perfect all the time. Just drops of awesome are enough. Don't worry about filling the bucket. That's what your Savior is for."
Sobbing again. But no more silence. Just warm, comforting arms around me.
I wanted to share some excerpts. You can click on the photo (link) to read the full post if you wish.
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"This started me thinking of all the times I do something good while beating myself up for all the times I haven’t been perfect.
"You’re worshiping in the temple? Woopty freakin do! How long has it been since you came here last? When are you likely to come again? You’re not good at this. This is a fluke.
"Wow. So you cleaned the kitchen today. Want a cookie? That dirty rag has been on the counter for a week and those dishes you so righteously cleaned are from breakfast three days ago. You are embarrassing.
"That was really nice of you to offer to watch your friend’s kids while she had surgery. Remember last week when you knew your neighbor was suffering from depression and you drove right by with a wave because you did not want to get sucked into the drama? You don’t really care about people. Not all the time.
"How destructive are these kinds of thoughts? . . . .
"Drops of Awesome! I thought. Every time you do something good, something kind, something productive, it’s a drop in your Bucket of Awesome. You don’t lose drops for every misstep. You can only build. You can only fill."
Then she goes on to describe different things she does/we do like walking a child to the school bus, feeding our kids, loving our family members, picking up a wrapper off the floor, unloading one dish from the dishwasher each time you walk by, etc. She described how each of these things is just another "drop of awesome" in our bucket!
Another thing she learns is that she found herself doing more and more of these good things, because she was rewarded with joy every time she thought about her "drops of awesome. She found herself really listening to her kids, really engaged in her prayers, etc., and "As I added up these Drops of Awesome, I found that in those moments I actually became the person I had always wanted to be."
She explains about the lies we tell ourselves, and the truths that need to replace them. It is freeing and liberating. I helps me adopt a happier and more correct paradigm when it comes to my everyday life. And life, after all, is made up of all the daily details, isn't it?
Go read the article. It is beyond worth the time! :) And if you're a mother, it'll make you feel so much better about 'everything!'
Silence.
Eventually, my thoughts calmed me. (or were they "my" thoughts?) Then our Jonathan left for work. Then Bob took Emily to run a couple of errands. I started to relax, watch a great move called "Joshua" (the one from 2002, not 2007 which is evil!), and suddenly, when I paused for a text, I remembered I had started to read a blog that a friend of mine had posted on Facebook. She had read it online and was just sharing it with others. It's called DROPS OF AWESOME. I thought to myself I should probably read it quickly before Bob and Emily get home. Just to get it "done", and not have "one more thing to do" before going to bed tonight. I DID want to read it after all. So I started reading. I could relate. A lot. And about 3/4's of the way through I heard/felt "Yes, I'm here. Yes, I love you. Yes, I'm aware of you and your pain. Don't be concerned about everything being perfect all the time. Just drops of awesome are enough. Don't worry about filling the bucket. That's what your Savior is for."
Sobbing again. But no more silence. Just warm, comforting arms around me.
I wanted to share some excerpts. You can click on the photo (link) to read the full post if you wish.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
 |
| Click HERE to read full article |
"This started me thinking of all the times I do something good while beating myself up for all the times I haven’t been perfect.
"You’re worshiping in the temple? Woopty freakin do! How long has it been since you came here last? When are you likely to come again? You’re not good at this. This is a fluke.
"Wow. So you cleaned the kitchen today. Want a cookie? That dirty rag has been on the counter for a week and those dishes you so righteously cleaned are from breakfast three days ago. You are embarrassing.
"That was really nice of you to offer to watch your friend’s kids while she had surgery. Remember last week when you knew your neighbor was suffering from depression and you drove right by with a wave because you did not want to get sucked into the drama? You don’t really care about people. Not all the time.
"How destructive are these kinds of thoughts? . . . .
"Drops of Awesome! I thought. Every time you do something good, something kind, something productive, it’s a drop in your Bucket of Awesome. You don’t lose drops for every misstep. You can only build. You can only fill."
Then she goes on to describe different things she does/we do like walking a child to the school bus, feeding our kids, loving our family members, picking up a wrapper off the floor, unloading one dish from the dishwasher each time you walk by, etc. She described how each of these things is just another "drop of awesome" in our bucket!
Another thing she learns is that she found herself doing more and more of these good things, because she was rewarded with joy every time she thought about her "drops of awesome. She found herself really listening to her kids, really engaged in her prayers, etc., and "As I added up these Drops of Awesome, I found that in those moments I actually became the person I had always wanted to be."
She explains about the lies we tell ourselves, and the truths that need to replace them. It is freeing and liberating. I helps me adopt a happier and more correct paradigm when it comes to my everyday life. And life, after all, is made up of all the daily details, isn't it?
Go read the article. It is beyond worth the time! :) And if you're a mother, it'll make you feel so much better about 'everything!'
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